So you want to taxidermy your dog? Me, too!

I’ve got this really old dog. I’ve had him since he was a pup and I was closer to being a pup myself. We’ve lived together longer than me and either of my parents, my siblings, my husbands or my kids. No wonder I’m going to have a hard time letting him go. He’s a pretty cool dog, as well, at least that’s what people say. “He’s the greatest dog ever!” I think the bar is a little low…my dog doesn’t jump on you, bite you, bark at you, or eat your children…thing is, he can’t do most of those things any more.  If he tried to jump on you, he’d fall over or if he ate your child he’d have an awful case of indigestion and we’d be up every night for a week with diarrhea and vomiting. I mean he’s always had a weak stomach and gets sick from table scraps or eating random dead things at the park. I can’t imagine what a kid would do to his digestive problems.

Anyway, my big guy turned 112 recently. That’s 16 in regular years, you know the formula, dog ages 7x faster than people. We made him some carrot pancakes with a dog bone candle and sang him Happy Birthday. My kid taped a happy birthday card to him. It was quite the celebration. In thinking about it,  I don’t know what’s more amazing, Moses being 112 or that everyone knows that dog age formula. Ask for the formula for relativity and we’d all start drooling…

So, my dog and I go on walks to take the kids to school. It’s me with the arm outstretched backwards slowly tugging the slow beast along. I think he really likes it. I can tell by the way he stops and looks up at me through cataract eyes and wiggles his skinny head out of his over-sized collar. It’s such a fun way to be late to school. The kids are up ahead on scooters, bicycles, tricycles, super-fast feet, and here I am pulling along my ancient dog sweetly asking his deaf ears to hurry up on those degenerated legs. Meanwhile, I’m yelling at the kids to wait up. It’s really a delightful way to start to the morning. We all get our needs met. Everyone is happy.

I’m glad I figured out how to make that all work. See, I’m doing it right.

Now, I just have to find a taxidermist.