Accidental Mohawk

Our boys wanted to get their hair cut into Mohawks last summer.

Really, it was the older one’s idea. When pressed, he said he wanted a Red Mohawk. So, we showed him some pictures..

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I don’t know why, but it turned out he wanted a Faux-hawk and the little one followed his lead.

Fair enough, you have to WANT, I mean REALLY, REALLY WANT to be noticed or have something to say to go for the real Mohawk. I should know, I had a Mohawk in High School.

I was the victim of an Accidental Mohawk.

Now, I didn’t fall into some electric buzzers, go to a menacing mean girls’ sleep-over, or have a lobotomy or anything exciting like that. This was the 80s and I was definitely a little out there – had frosted, permed hair ala Madonna in Borderline, complete with one side and underneath shaven for a nice asymmetrical look.

But what I also had was a nicotine-crazed Stepmother (now an ex-Stepmother) who had just quit smoking. And, who, incidentally, was cutting my hair. That was where the trouble came in…

My Stepmom started “trimming” my hair all around, then on the longer side.  She kept cutting shorter and shorter and shorter. My Dad walked by the room once or twice, rubbed his glasses, rolled his eyes, and walked away. My Stepmother furiously snipped and snipped and snipped. Any time, I said, “All good, I think that’s enough.” She held on tight to those clippers, like she would have her long-lost friend the cigarette, and then, she kept going.

She just couldn’t stop…

This is about what I ended up looking like:

As an adult who used to smoke, I completely and totally understand this now. She was just out of her head. When you first quit smoking you have jitters as if you’ve been plugged into the wall and someone has thrown water on you. On top of it you are completely stupid. Really. You are, it’s like your brain shuts off. Well, shuts off after drinking 5 pots of coffee in 5 minutes.

As a 15 year old about to start a new year of school, not so much with the understanding…

So there I was with my new ‘do. Complete with a tail covering that last piece of head where the two sides met in the middle of my Stepmother Scissorhands hairstyle. Honestly, it was really more Mullet than Mohawk. But, a Mohawk was much cooler and seemed intentional. I could pull it off, I thought. At least I was skinny and already didn’t fit in.

To top it off, I had to go home to my Mom’s house. Now, you try explaining that haircut to your Mom in Savannah, GA in 1985.

She could not believe it! Her eyes said “My daughter has a freakin’ Mohawk!!!!!” She called Dad and she cut that tail off. Well, right after Class Pictures, she cut that sucker off. Looking back, I think her leaving that mullet-like tail for photo day was my punishment.

I wish I had a picture here to show you, but, not surprisingly, I don’t.

Let’s say it was about like this, minus the stardom and hotness and plus the awkward 15 year-old girl.

I told Mom about the boys getting Mohawks last summer and I anticipated an upset reaction but she said nothing. Usually, if I don’t hear about it right away, I get word a few days later…

When I got the cal during the week, I was very surprised. She asked what kind of hair wax we used to keep the boys’ hair up. Her co-worker wanted to know for her kids.

Well, times certainly change.